The Director Sector

I know a lot of you theatre bloggers have this intense dislike of Broadway for a variety of reasons, most of which are perfectly valid.  But today I saw my favorite musical at a Broadway in Chicago venue.  And it rocked.

I saw RENT last year — a year ago this weekend, I think — in Atlanta.  I thought the show sucked.  I was so very disappointed, because the lighting seemed off, the vocals were sub-standard, and the sound system seemed to be broken.  Most of the performers weren’t properly actors — they were mostly American Idol rejects.  In fact, at that performance, the guy who played Roger was a South African Idol runner-up.  The best performance was by the girl who played Maureen, and if I remember correctly, the tour of RENT that year was her first professional gig.  Kind of says a lot about the quality of that cast.

This performance, though, blew last years’ out of the water.  The staging was mostly the same, but every one of those little things that bugged me about last years performance were fixed in this one.  There was never a moment where I thought “Well damn, that didn’t work.”

Of course, the highlight of this production is the return of the two original leads, Anthony Rapp (as Mark Cohen) and Adam Pascal (as Roger Davis).  The chemistry between these two actors is undeniable, their stage presence stupendous, and their vocal quality dazzling.

I’ve always loved RENT, ever since the first time I heard the soundtrack in its entirety.  It encapsulated everything I felt about life, death, relationships.  The music was catchy, the lyrics told the whole story, and the characters were vibrant and real.  I felt a connection to each and every character, even the homeless guys and the drug dealers.

A few years ago I had a life-altering experience, and essentially I’m living on borrowed time.  One of the themes of the show is “no day but today”, the idea that there is no future and no past, but only today.  Don’t worry about the future, don’t dwell on the past — focus on the now.

For someone like me, that’s imperative.  Last week, a kid I went to college with died of a heart attack.  He’s my age, 27, and otherwise seemingly healthy.  That really sent the message home for me, and I’ve spent the last week barely getting a wink of sleep, pondering over death.  When will it come for me?

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

I began to cry during this song.  Will this happen?  The “no day but today” idealism is strong, but how can you accept this in the face of logic?

If I find some of what you teach suspect,
It’s because I’m used to relying on intellect.
But I try to open up to what I don’t know,
Because reason says I should’ve died
Three years ago…

The answer, of course, is in the chorus that follows:

No other road,
No other way.
No day but today….

Despite these thoughts, despite my fear of death and my fear of the future, I’ve survived.  Not only have a survived, but I’ve found a certain amount of contentment in my life.  I’ve got friends and family who care for me, and even should something happen, I can rest assured that I’ve made a difference in the lives of those around me.

Mark is the character that I empathize with the most.  I’m not blonde or strikingly good looking like Anthony Rapp, but Mark and I share some personality traits that I find intriguing.

I’m a watcher.  I like to sit back and observe my friends having a great time.  I like to document what’s happening, to offer my advice when I see a problem, but otherwise to stay back and watch.  I want my experiences, my observations, and my work to have an impact on people, even if it means sacrificing close personal relationships.  When I come across something I feel strongly about, I’m perfectly able and willing to take centerstage to get my point across.

It’s easy, however, to feel so utterly alone and rejected when I’m in this position.  It’s easy to focus on others so much that when they’re gone, the emptiness hits like a wrecking ball to the nads.

A part of me screams Rogers’ accusations at myself:

Mark hides in his work
…
From facing your failure
Facing your loneliness
Facing the fact you live a lie

Yes, you live a lie, tell you why
You’re always preaching not to be numb
When that’s how you thrive

You pretend to create and observe
When you really detach from feeling alive

And part of me screams Mark’s answer back:

Perhaps it’s because I’m the one of us to survive…

RENT has had an incredible impact on my life.  Jonathan Larson has given each of these characters insights into the human psyche that mirror my own so closely that I can’t help but be touched by these characters.  This show has put into words thoughts that most of us, I think, have had at one time or another.  And despite all of these thoughts, despite death and love and hate and separation and drugs and corporate evil and government obstruction.. despite all of this, there is hope that we can continue on to another day, that our lives can change things for the better.

There’s no day but today.