The Director Sector

SCENE 2 - Nowhere special

(Lights come up on an empty stage, except for ROLF. He stands center-stage. As the monologue progresses, DEVIL and GIRL dress ROLF in newer, nicer clothes — a new shirt, a new jacket, new pants, new shoes, a cane. When the monologue is done, ROLF looks much like DEVIL. GIRL exits once transformation is complete.)

ROLF

The man on the street gave me everything I ever wanted. I went from tattered rags and cardboard sandals to the finest silk garments. Even my underwear was that fancy silk stuff. I went from starvin’ on them street corners to eatin’ the finest foods in North Carolina. I had shrimp gumbo, fried chicken, double bacon cheeseburgers — that’s double bacon, double cheese, and double burgers — the finest wines and the hardest whiskey. I went from a cardboard box to a mansion on the beach. I had rooms the size of auditoriums, a bathtub the size of a swimming pool. I had servants to attend to my every need. I went from having absolutely nothing, not even dirt to eat, to having anything my mind could ask for. He even fixed the way I speak. I don’t speak like a homeless bum anymore.

And all he asked for was my companionship for life.

Small price to pay, I thought. You see, mister, I felt like my life was over.  I’m crushed to pieces. My wife and kids, you see… well, I gave my soul to them as well as my heart, and when they died, sir… When they died, a part of me died that I’m never getting back. Even this deginerate, who can give me a cheeseburgers in a beach-side paradise,… Even he can’t bring my wife back. She’s never coming back. You know that, sir. You know that.

(DEVIL shrugs helplessly)

So I agreed. I shook his hand and signed that contract. He didn’t ask me to write my name in blood, either.

BOTH

That’s all a bunch of bullshit

ROLF

he says.

DEVIL (to audience as an aside)

Plus, it’s messy.

(DEVIL pulls out handkerchief from jacket and wipes his hands clean.)

ROLF

Thank you for everything, sir. This is just marvelous.

DEVIL

Isn’t it?

ROLF

Oh, absolutely. It’s just…

DEVIL

What?

ROLF

Oh. Nothing. It’s no big deal.

DEVIL

C’mon, Rolf. You can tell me anything.

ROLF

Well,.. I’ve got all this cool stuff, you know?

DEVIL

I know.

ROLF

And, well, I don’t have anyone to share it with.

DEVIL

Ah hah! I begin to see where you’re going with this.

ROLF

And I was thinking maybe…

DEVIL

Think nothing of it, my friend. Think nothing of it at all.

ROLF

Really? You’ll get me a Jack Russel Terrier?

DEVIL

Of cour–what?

ROLF

A Jack Russell Terrier. I had one when I was a kid, but my father accidentally killed it on a hunting trip. And I always kept up a fascination with them and now I guess I want another one. I shall name him… Hamlet. He’ll be small. And crazy, like me.

DEVIL

You could have anything in the world, Rolf, and you want… a dog?

ROLF

Yes, of course.

DEVIL

Not a woman? The woman of your dreams? Long legs, long, beautiful hair, gorgeous eyes, impressive chest, body of a supermodel, the one you call Trisha?

ROLF

Yes! Wait a minute. How did you know that? I ain’t never told nobody bout her.

DEVIL

Sometimes, my friend, I just know things. Things that most people will never know, things that they would never dare tell anyone. Things like your secret fantasy woman and your predisposition towards chocolate. Things like how you’re terrified of midgets and clowns–

ROLF

I am not!

DEVIL

and how you’ve been peeping into the neighbors windows many times, but never been caught.

ROLF

I have not!

DEVIL

Relax, Rolf. It doesn’t matter to me, you see? I’m just making a point. I know things.

ROLF

Well, keep that shit to yourself, then. Sir.

DEVIL

I would like you to meet…

(DEVIL snaps his fingers. ROLF’s dream woman walks out.)

Trisha.

GIRL

Hello, Rolf. Old Nick has told me so much about you.

ROLF

Trisha? But… How… This can’t be.. what’s going on here?

GIRL

Relax, Rolf. I just want you to be happy.

DEVIL

That’s all we really want, you know. For you to be happy.

ROLF

Well, hell, I’m happy!

(blackout)