The Director Sector

SCENE 3 - The mansion

(Lights come up and ROLF is once again alone on the stage. As he begins his monologue, DEVIL and GIRL come out dressed for a wedding. DEVIL will preside, GIRL has wedding dress on. Instead of a Bible, DEVIL carries a copy of “Origin of Species”)

ROLF

I’ve been dreaming of this day for oh so long. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had this image in my mind of the perfect woman. And now here she is, bright as day. Even my wife, rest her soul, had her flaws. She nagged me quite a bit. I can never remember what it was that bugged her so, but.. I still loved her. But this.. this Trisha.. she’s what I’ve been waiting for all my life.

Ever since that man brought Trisha into my life, I just haven’t been able to.. I haven’t been able to shake this feeling that she’s not real. I mean, she’s real, you know? Trust me, she’s real. But I mean.. is she genuine? There are always questions in my mind. I’ve got everything anyone could ask for — millions of dollars, five houses, servants, respect. But how can I be sure she really loves me? There are always questions in the hearts of rich men. Would she make heartfelt promises if the money was not there?

(to GIRL)

Do you love me?

GIRL

(giddy)

Of course! Let’s get married!

DEVIL

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the joining of our dear friends Rolf and Trisha.

(DEVIL thrusts his hands up to display the couple to the world and in the process, knocks over his copy of “Origin of Species”. DEVIL grabs the book and puts it back on the stand. DEVIL thumbs through his book)

Drat, I lost my bookmark. Uh. We are gathered here.. Uh… If anyone opposes.. Uh.. this.. wedding.. thing… Speak now, or shut the hell up.

No? All righty then.

I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss–

(GIRL grabs ROLF’s face and kisses him passionately. ROLF is surprised.)

DEVIL

Huzzah! Let the party begin!

(MAN 1 and MAN 2 enter. MAN 1 begins beat-boxing and MAN 2 hands out party items to ROLF, GIRL and DEVIL. Dancing commences. The cheesier the better. After a minute of awkward dancing, DEVIL claps twice and the MEN disappear.)

DEVIL

I’ll leave the two of you alone now. Congratulations, you love birds!

(DEVIL exits. There is an awkward silence from ROLF. Beat.)

GIRL

Wee! Aren’t you excited, Rolf? This is great! I’ve never been married before! Wanna get busy?

ROLF

Get… busy?

GIRL

You know.. with what newlyweds do on their honeymoons!

ROLF

Honeymoons?

GIRL

Wake up, Rolf! We’re married now! Yippee! Say it with me, Rolf. We’re married! We’re married!

ROLF

We’re married.

GIRL

We’re married!

ROLF

We’re married.

GIRL

Yippee!

ROLF

We’re married!

GIRL

Let’s get busy!

ROLF

All right! Let’s do it!

(GIRL and ROLF take off their shirts and run off-stage.)