May 6, 2009
KILL DEVIL HILLS (working title) - Scene 1
SCENE 1 - A street corner again
ROLF
(As he speaks the following monologue, characters walk by and perform the actions he describes)
Every day, I sit out here and wait. I wait for people to walk by, so I can tell my story. Every day I wait for someone to feel pity for me and drop a quarter into my cup. People might drop a nickel or a few pennies in the cup. More often, they’ll avoid making eye contact with me and just throw the coins in my general direction. I scramble to pick em up, ’cause every last bit helps, mister. Every last bit fuckin’ helps. Every once in awhile, these bastards will do things that bastards always do. They’ll spit on me. They’ll kick me. They’ll stomp on my foot as they pass and then pretend they didn’t do a thing.
Once, I even got pissed on by some bastard. Cut his dick off with me trusty knife, I did. Took his change too. Had to move to a different corner after that. Nobody wants to feel sorry for ya if ya cut some bastard’s dick off. Don’t make sense to me, but I don’t make the rules.
Some days I can get up to ten or twelve dollars. Most days I get three or four.
(DEVIL walks by in a suit. He has a wooden cane. He looks very sharp, cultured.)
Hey, you. Yeah, you! Gimme a quarter. C’mon, just a quarter. I’d sell my soul for a lousy quarter..
(DEVIL perks up and takes notice.)
DEVIL
Just a quarter?
ROLF
Huh?
DEVIL
That’s all you want? Just a quarter?
ROLF
Uh, yeah, just.. just a quarter, mister! Just a lousy, stinkin’ quarter.
DEVIL
You don’t want a bottle or…
ROLF
I don’t drink, mister! I don’t, I swear.
DEVIL
or food…
ROLF
Food?
DEVIL
Or a warm place to sleep?
ROLF
What are you talking about, mister?
DEVIL
Why settle for a quarter?
ROLF
Why settle…
DEVIL
Yes, why settle?
(beat)
ROLF
‘Cause, mister, nobody gives nothin, and most people barely give a quarter! So just gimme a damn quarter and quit with your riddlin’ and fancy speakin’.
DEVIL
My wish is your command.
(DEVIL tosses ROLF a quarter)
Have a nice day.
ROLF
Thanks, mister.
(DEVIL exits. ROLF examines the quarter in his hands.)
What in tarnation was he talkin’ about? Why settle..
(A lightbulb goes off in his head.)
Food! Sleep!
(ROLF jumps up.)
Hey mister! Come back!
(ROLF runs off stage. A moment later ROLF re-enters, arm wrapped around DEVIL’s shoulder)
Mister, mister. We was gettin’ off on the wrong foot!
DEVIL
Were we? (He brushes ROLF’s hands off of his shoulder)
ROLF
Yes, yes, we were. You was askin’ me if I wanted more than a quarter.
DEVIL (disinterested, possibly picking at his fingernails)
Yes, I recall.
ROLF
Well you mentioned food.
DEVIL
I did.
ROLF
What kinds of food was you talkin’ about?
DEVIL
Why, what kind of food would you like?
ROLF
What would I… Anything at all?
DEVIL
Anything at all.
ROLF
Well, golly. I’ll have to think about that.
(ROLF sits. DEVIL listens intently while affecting a disinterested manner.)
DEVIL
Take your time.
(beat)
ROLF
Well, I ain’t had a double-decker cheeseburger with bacon on top in a long, long time. Probably my favorite meal in the whole wide world, mister, come to think of it. Last time I had one of them was way back.. well, it was before.. You see, mister, my wife, she.. she’s dead.
DEVIL (disinterested)
I heard. My condolences.
ROLF
Well that was the last time I ever had one of them sandwiches.
DEVIL
I see.
ROLF
I remember it clear as daylight, mister. I can still taste it on my tongue. That cheese was melted so fine, I could smell it a mile away. I ain’t never had a burger that good in my life, ever. Oh, mister, it had a pickle slice on it, too. And ketchup and mustard. And that bun was like taking a bite out of heaven. I’d do anything for another one.
DEVIL
Oh really? How would you like it right now?
ROLF
I’d love it right now, but it ain’t gonna–
(DEVIL snaps his fingers. GIRL in stylish tennis outfit walks out carrying platter with burger on it.)
DEVIL
My wish is your command.
ROLF
What are you, some kind of genie or somethin’?
DEVIL
Something like that.
ROLF
Thanks, mister!
DEVIL
Think nothing of it, Rolf. It is my pleasure.
(blackout)