For the next six weeks, I’m performing in a production of Fiddler on the Roof. Yeah.

So, a couple of days ago, I went out to a bar with one of my friends, who happens to be directing Fiddler. I don’t drink, but I enjoy the company. At this particular bar, there’s a karaoke night every Thursday night, which just happened to be which night we were there. During the break between one of the karaoke sets, the DJ played the Beatles “Come Together”. Good! One of my favorites! My half-deaf ass tried to sing along.

Here come ol’ flat-top, he come groovin’ up slowly
He got joo-joo eyeball, he one holy roller,
He’s got hair down to his knees,
Got to be a joker he just do what he please…

I’m sorta staring off into space, singing along. My friend turns around and looks at me for a second, then he turns back to talk to someone else. I keep singing.
He wear no shoeshine, he got toe-jam football,
He got monkey finger, he shoot coca-cola,

He turns to me again and looks at me. I looked back and did a little twist of my head and my shoulders in a sorta “Hey, I’m being a moron and trying to sing when I really can’t!” move.

He say “I know you, you know me”
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free!
Come together! Right now! Over me…

ET is freaking out, eyes wide open, mouth moving, all spastic.

“You sang!” he said, loudly. “You were spot on those notes! All of them!” I just kinda stared at him for a second. The music kept playing, and I just looked at him and he looked at me.

He bag production, he got walrus gumboot,
He got Ono sideboard, he one spinal cracker,
He got feet down below his knees
Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease
Come together! right now! Over me..

ET is spazzing out again. “Cody! Listen! He’s singing! Like, RIGHT ON, man! Right on pitch!” I’m still not sure if he’s just drunk or trying to make me feel bette or what.

He roller coaster, he got early warning,
He got muddy water, he one mojo filter,
He say “One and one and one is three”

I do a little jig.

Got to be good looking cause he’s so hard to see
Come together! Right now! Over me…

And the song ends. ET’s just beside himself. I still can’t figure out why. I mean, I know I can’t sing consistently, but I can sing occasionally.

“No, no,” he says. “This is good. You sing high. You can hear the high notes, so you can hit the high notes. Here, here sing this song!” Garth Brooks Friends in Low Places came on.

“What?” I exclaimed. “Are you crazy? You can’t put me on the spot like that and expect me to sing.”

“Do it!”

“No!”

“C’mon, man!”

Fine. Fine, then. I’ll embarrass myself once again in front of ET and all these other drunk people.

I guess I was wrong
I just don’t belong
But then, I’ve been there before
If everything’s all right
I’ll just say goodnight,
And I’ll show myself to the door

Hey I didn’t mean
To cause a big scene
Just give me an hour and then
I’ll be as high as that ivory tower
That you’re living in!

Once again, ET is beside himself. “YOU MISSED EVERY SINGLE NOTE EXCEPT FOR THE HIGHEST ONE!” he exclaimed.

Great. Way to make me feel like a rock star. I missed every note except the highest. That makes me feel better. Really, it does.

“No, no,” he says again. “This is good. Real good. As your director, I need to know these things. You’re hearing higher pitches, so you sing higher pitches. That’s good. That means I can put you in a certain range in the show. I’ll know you can sing these songs, and these songs, and not these songs or those songs. This is good, real good.”

I shrug.

This time, I’m going to chalk it up to the alcohol. Although I have become a little obsessed with “Come Together” lately…